MTG Color Pie

Welcome to the next in the Magic Cinema series. Tonight’s feature will include the movie scene that a majority of you might have seen on YouTube, but haven’t even seen the whole movie. That’s ok, we live in a world where all you need to see about a movie can be summed up in one scene.

This movie is a little closer to my heart since in a round about way, this is kinda what I do for a living (you know, when I’m not writing Magic blogs): real estate. When I tell people I work in real estate, they always ask about this movie and ask if it’s like that. I say “Oh yes, exactly like that, especially now with the economy the way it is,” except I swear every other word because everyone does that in real estate according to writer David Mamet. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, this is a NSFW post for language. Some people get offended by it, but this is too good of a scene not to parody.

If you can’t see the actor’s names on the poster, let me tell them to you: Al Pachino, Jack Lemmon, Alec Baldwin, Ed Harris, Alan Arkin, Kevin Spacey. If you’ve heard of any of those actors, you need to see this movie. This all when they were in their prime, and some have said this has been Alec Baldwin’s best performance (Though I’ve always loved his comedic performances). If you haven’t seen this movie, it’s worth a shot.

Anyway, let’s get to it.

Aarongarry Aaron Ross

A little known fact about Wizards of the Coast is that not all of their card designs come from “The Pit” (A collection of Magic R&D, Design, and other Magic related employees), but are outsourced to various design houses in the Seattle area. Within these offices, people sit at decks like a normal job and try and create cards on commission to be released in the new sets. Most of the time it’s older men who used to be in gaming, such as the guy who created Boggle and invented the joystick, who do the designing.

At one of the offices, the cards have been slowly trickling down both in quality and quantity (the only card of theirs that made it into Zendikar was Mindless Null). This has been happening for the past few sets so Wizards decided to send someone down to talk to them: Aaron Forsythe, Director of R&D (@mtgaaron). So on a regular rainy night in Seattle, the office manager, Randy Buehler (@rbuehler) calls a staff meeting so that Aaron can speak to them.

INT – DESIGN OFFICE – NIGHT

The rain slams against the windows as the employees shake off their umbrellas and rain coats. AARON is standing at the front of the office wearing a nice suit and tie talking to RANDY. The old men, BEN, BLAKE and JASON start to get comfortable in their seats. AARON stands up and opens his suitcase towards him and walks over to the blackboard on the side of the room. During his speech, he wonders back and forth across the front of the room with his hands in his pockets.

AARON
Let me have your attention for a moment! So you’re talking about what? You’re talking about…
(beat)
…bitching about that card you shot, somebody that doesn’t want what you’re creating, some broad you’re trying to screw and so forth. Let’s talk about something important.
(To Randy)
Are they all here?

RANDY
All but one.

AARON
(To Randy)
Well, I’m going anyway.

BEN stands up from his desk and walks to the back of the room to the coffee maker. He starts to pour himself some of the leftover “rocket fuel” coffee that was brewed this morning.

AARON
(continuing)
Let’s talk about something important!
(To Ben, sternly)
Put that coffee down!

BEN stops mid-pour and looks at AARON confused. AARON strolls between the desks toward BEN.

AARON
(continuing)
Coffee’s for designers only. Continue reading “Magic Cinema – Aarongarry Aaron Ross”