Editor’s Note: Just the ad this time. So we don’t break up the pace of this commercial, it’s going to be the dialogue only. This card was spoiled by WotC employee Monty Ashley.
Hello baby, how are you doing? Why yes, I think it’s completely appropriate for me to be shirtless. After all, how can I show off my manly chest hair? I know you like to run your hands through it.
Ah, so you noticed my wingspan. Pretty impressive, right? How many of those Angels you know have a wingspan like this? And all they have are feathers, always molting and messing up the place. Mine? Leathery skin.
That smell? Pure sulfur. From the bowels of Hell, where I just craved out from. While I know it’s not the rich mahogany leather bound book smell you’re more likely used to, you’d be surprised; sulfur is a complete aphrodisiac. Then again, I’m me, so you really don’t need the smell to be drawn to me.
You want to know about the pile of dead bodies I’m resting upon? Baby, I did that for you, so you’d know I’d do anything and everything for you. That guy over there, the disemboweled one, no other other disemboweled one, he was staring at you all night. Seemed like a creep, a real stalker. Mutilations, beheadings, anything you want, I can do.
What? Alright, I understand. Not like you’re the only girl at the bar here tonight anyway. Man, why can I ever find the right girl for me?
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