Magic Celebrity Commercial – If Someone Ever Tries to Kill You, You Try and Kill ’em Right Back

Tim and Carl showing off Zendikar
Tim and Carl showing off Zendikar

http://wp.me/p5VSx-gm

INT – WIZARDS OF THE COAST MEETING ROOM – MORNING

TIM and CARL are setting up their projector and laptop when three Wizards employees enter the room: PAUL, MARK ROSEWATER and RICHARD GARFIELD. Paul looks in amazement at the two men setting up.

PAUL
What in the world are you two guys doing here. I thought I kicked you out!

TIM
You did, but we were given another chance by Mr. Rosewater over there.

Paul and Richard look at Mark confused. Mark shrugs his shoulders.

MARK
What?

CUT TO:

INT – THE PIT – AFTERNOON

Mark is sitting at his desk in the pit on the phone with his feet on the desk.

MARK
You want to hear about that time I worked Roseanne? Alright, I can do that…

TITLE CARD
2 Hours Later

MARK
(cont’d)
To make a long story short, that’s when I discovered I should leave Hollywood and do something greater with my life. Say, you guys seem like a nice bunch and listening to me, why don’t you come in with a different pitch.

CUT TO:

INT – WIZARDS OF THE COAST MEETING ROOM – MORNING

The two men are finishing up their set up as the three men from Wizards sit at the opposite end.

PAUL
(Sighing)
Alright, what do you got?

TIM
I know that last commercial we showed you was a little too risky for American audiences.

CARL
But it test markets great over in Europe. Don’t ask me, it’s different standards about having violence and whatnot on their TV.

MARK
But we don’t want to have that commercial at all…

TIM
(Cutting him off)
Exactly, which is why we went ahead and filmed another commercial with another actor with tons and tons of Geek cred.

RICHARD
Why are you guys filming the commercials before we even approve them? That doesn’t make any sense, you’re throwing money out the window.

CARL
(Sarcastically)
Well, excuse me. What are you, some kind of doctor?

RICHARD
Why yes, I have a P.h.D. in Mathematics…

TIM
(Cutting him off)
Fascinating. Listen,  you don’t understand how Hollywood works.

Mark raises his hand and smiles.

MARK
I do! Why, I even…

TIM
(Rolling his eyes)
We know we know. I mean, people make movies without approval or even scripts all the time. Look at G.I. Joe.

PAUL
G.I. Joe is owned by Hasbro.

CARL
You’re point being?

MARK
We’re owned by Hasbro.

TIM
Still not following you…

CARL
We’re getting off track. Anyway, this guy is a real geek icon and I think it would suit the Magic brand well if we had him on board. Without further ado, our new commercial.

Tim picks up the remote and hits play.

INT- COMIC BOOK SHOP – NIGHT

A group of five players are sitting around a table laughing at the EDH game their playing. BRAIN, our hero from the last commercial, comes into the shop sees the people at the table, and makes his way over.

BRAIN
Hey guys, do you mind if…

Then he sees who’s at the table playing Magic with them.

NathanFillionBRAIN
(Cont’d)
Holy smokes, you’re Nathan Fillion!

NATHAN FILLION turns and looks at him and smiles, which would melt all the girl’s hearts in the store if there were any females there.

NATHAN
You mean from the hit TV show Castle?

KID #1
What show?

NATHAN
Or from my work in Firefly, Serenity, and Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog?

BRAIN
(Starstruck)
Yeah, that.

NATHAN
Why yes I am. You can call me Nathan. Or Captain if you’re a complete fanboy.

BRAIN
Yes I am, Captain.

Leaning in, Nathan speaks to Brain.

NATHAN
It’s alright, I’m a fanboy too.

He picks up his General, a Captain Sissay which has been altered to have his two Captain characters on it Reynolds and Hammer, and shows it to Brain before putting it back on the table.

BRAIN
Wow, that’s so cool that you play Magic.

NATHAN
Of course I play Magic. I love everything that Joss Whedon has ever done.

Everybody stops what they’re doing and looks at him.

KID #1
What? Joss Whedon created Magic?

NATHAN
Yeah, Joss Whedon has created some of the shiniest things ever: Buffy, Dollhouse, Firefly…

A guy next to him clenches his fist and teeth.

KID #2
Damn you, Fox.

Pointing at the kid and smiles.

NATHAN
Yes, damn you Fox indeed. Besides creating cult TV shows and comic books and doomsday prophesies, Joss also meanders in-game design, such as creating Magic: the Gathering.

KID #1
Wow, that’s so cool.

As Nathan is talking about cards, he holds them up.

NATHAN
Look at the similarities: Vampires, Angels, Firefly, Dolls. It’s uncanny.

Turning to look at the camera, he smiles once more.

NATHAN
(cont’d)
Anyone who has ever liked anything even done by Joss Whedon will love Magic: the Gathering.

TITLE CARD
Magic: the Gathering
A game by Joss Whedon

CUT BACK TO GAME:

Nathan is staring over his hand of cards look at his opponent smiling.

NATHAN
That has to be humiliating, where a better man refuses to beat you. Mercy is the mark of a great man.

He casts Lava Axe and sets it on the table.

NATHAN
(cont’d)
Guess I’m just a good man.

Then he casts Twincast.

NATHAN
(cont’d)
I’m alright.

FADE TO BLACK:

INT – WIZARDS MEETING ROOM – MORNING

Tim and Carl are very smug and pleased as they stare at the Wizards employees.

RICHARD
Um, I have a problem.

CARL
(Ignorantly)
What’s up Doc?

RICHARD
I’m the one who created Magic.

TIM
No, Joss Whedon is. How do I know this? I saw it on TV, and TV is never wrong.

PAUL
(To Richard)
Maybe this isn’t a bad idea…

RICHARD
Bad idea? Of course that that’s a bad idea. It’s not like I’m trying to be selfish here, but we don’t want to trick the public.

MARK
Hey, I noticed Nathan was smiling all the time.

CARL
Yeah he does that. Couldn’t get him to stop smiling.

TIM
Must’ve been the peanut butter we put under his lip.

CARL
I though you used Vaseline.

RICHARD
(To Paul)
No, I don’t want them to use Joss Whedon’s fame to sell Magic.
(To Tim and Carl)
By the way, do you have Joss’ permission to use his name like that.

Tim and Carl both go pale.

TIM
(Pointing to Mark)
I thought Mr. Hollywoodman knew him.

MARK
I’m just a fan.

CARL
Well, as Captain Reynolds said, No more running; I aim to misbehave.

PAUL
Yes, you are running. Don’t let me catch you in these parts again. Get out of here! Guards!

RICHARD
We have guards?

MARK
Of course we do, Wizards is a fantasy company, isn’t it?

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