Blog Action Day 2009 – Climate Change – Only You Can Save the Multiverse

I never said I was a role model
I never said I was a role model

Editor’s Note: Today is Blog Action Day 2009. Every year, bloggers from around the world talk about one subject to try and change the world. This year, bloggers blog about Climate Change. I really don’t get political so it may come as a surprise why I’m talking about climate change in a blog about a game that prints cards on paper. If you want my opinion about the people who get political about climate change, watch this Penn & Teller clip.

So today I grabbed a celebrity to talk about climate change for me. While I didn’t get a heavy hitter like Sean Penn or Susan Sarandon (who both are suckers for complaining about anything liberal), I did someone who was pretty high up there. Also, I think the celebrity will go great with my core demographic (Male gamers). If you haven’t looked at the picture right now, shame on you. Without further ado, Natalie Portman.

Wizards of the Coast is killing the Universe.

Wait, hold on a second, let me re-read that. The Multiverse. Got it. Wizards of the Coast is killing the Multiverse. If you players don’t do something about it soon, there will be no more Multiverse left to play Magic in.

On earth, there are many different climates that you have to be concerned about. But whenever Wizards creates a new plane, it’s all one type of climate. First it was too hot there were Deserts all over the place. Then, with the creation of too many machines, they created an Ice Age. An ice age? Remember where urban sprawl took over the entire plane? You know what happened after that? Total f’ing chaos where the environment and mana was completely messed up. They’ve already allowed Acid Rain to come to pass, how long until something much worse happens?

They think it’s fun to have a plane deprived of two colors? What kind of sick monsters are these people? That’s like having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without having peanut butter. Are they thinking they’re getting us for the future when our children and our children’s children won’t have access to Red mana? All the Mountains will be gone?

And now? The lands are really changing. Basic lands are really special and the lands themselves are alive. By thinking that they can make up for 17 years of destruction with not even a full block of a land centric theme, Wizards isn’t even trying. It’s their token “Oh, let’s say we care about the environment,” block. Give me a break.

See this? This is not natural.
See this? This is not natural.

Wizards can’t keep doing this. These people have the power to change the environment at a moment’s will without worrying about the consequences and that’s exactly what they’re doing. They don’t care about the citizens and creatures of these planes. Just like the movie Independence Day, they go from plane to plane using up all the resources and mana then go on to the next one, completely ignoring what they’ve just done.

Plus, it’s not just the climate that Wizards is ruining. Remember the mass genocide that Wizards created with creatures a while ago? They just got rid of creatures at a whim. Poor poor ponies. Why did they get rid of them? “Because we can?” Who does that sound like? I ask you that question because it’s going to make me seem smart if I imply it and not actually spoon-feeding you the answer.

What can you do? What can the normal player like you do (this is a blog action day after all)? 1: Don’t buy Magic cards until they stop destroying planes. 2: Protest outside Wizards of the Coast on November 15th for Multiverse Awareness Day. Tell them that you’re sick and tired of them destroying planes and splitting planes apart and throwing them back together because “Because we can.” And when you do protest, come up with rhyming slogans, the people being protested really hate that and it’s easy to remember. 3: Write as many letters as you can to Wizards. 4: Throw ink on new cards like PETA does on fur coats.

Together, we can tell Wizards that we will not stand for their ignorance anymore. Well will not take their lack of thinking about future planes anymore! They need to think of the future. I hope that my children will one day play Magic without having new basic lands, they can visit the same planes we can today, and that the Multiverse will still be there. With your help, we can make a difference.

– Natalie Portman*

*Natalie Portman had no part in this post.

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