It’s time for my weekly call to Wizard’s Headquarters to talk to Mark Rosewater (MaRo). Good thing it’s a local call, or my phone bill would be pretty bad. As always, this is a parody. Or a good ribbing; I guess you could call it that.
Mark Rosewater speaking.
Hi Mr. Rosewater, this is Robby…
Yeah I know who you are. You call every Monday now. I know your voice. What is it this time?
You like movies, right?
You bet I do. You know I worked in Hollywood writing for Roseanne, right?
Yeah, I almost forgot since you haven’t mentioned it since the beginning of April (Tropical Blend 3 voting doesn’t count (and yes, I searched that fact up)). That’s pretty cool. I’ve got a ton of ideas that I want to make either as TV shows or movies, so I’m wicked jealous that you had the chance.
Since April, hunh? I’ll get right on that. But I love my job now, it’s one of the best jobs ever.
I can imagine.
So, yeah, I like movies. Why do you ask?
Did you see the card that you previewed today? I mean really look at it?
Why, is there something obscene in it?
No, they look like E.T..
Hold on a minute. (Beat) Yeah, I guess they kinda do.
I’m expecting one of them to have a glowing finger on them. You know half your audience might not know who or what E.T. is.
I don’t know exactly what E.T. is, in the specific sense.
No, I mean, if I mention that in a conversation with a high schooler, they might not know what I’m talking about. They can identify SpongeBob, but not E.T.; that’s a sad world we live in.
Enough of that; what do you think of the mechanic?
Well, infinite amount of mana…
There’s no infinite…
What about Mox Lotus?
That’s Silver-bordered land and you know that.
Fine, really, really, really large amount of mana…
But I’m talking about the keyword, Changeling.
Oh, how you took a kinda cool card and made it a keyword. It kinda ruins all the trivia buffs out there.
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.
Thanks, Spock. But you want my honest opinion on it?
Oh, I thought you had already done that.
I kinda like it. It makes things interesting in Limited at least. I guess I have to play with the set for a while to see how I truly feel for the mechanic. Right now, it’s like, “Well, it has some potential,” but nothing I’d write home about.
I understand.
So, basically this card takes over all of your creatures, and turns them into like silver blobs at are everything, depending on the size you want them to be.
Uh, sure.
And, you couldn’t go a make a tribal block without including Slivers in some way, could you. After like 500 in the last block, you’re including more. Sigh.
Well, they really aren’t slivers per say.
Oh yes they are. They’re every creature type. And you said there weren’t any humans in this block either, but that was a lie too. Wait, it was a “MaRo” lie.
What does that mean, “MaRo” lie?
It’s the truth, but not really the truth. Like your Ask Wizards question about the size of the Time Spiral set, saying it’s 301. Then there would only be one new card type in Lorwyn, but there’s really two, you just don’t think of Tribal as a new card type. Sure, there’s no card that says Creature – Human on it, but they’re still humans.
(Beat) Touché.
You’re still sacrificing humans when you sacrifice these guys. And children too. How does that weigh on your conscious Mark Rosewater?
That’s Silver-bordered land again.
Fine. It still looks like E.T..
You know, I was going to give you a preview card for this week, but now you ruined it.
Really?
Yeah. No card for you. I had cleared it with everyone and they were like, “Sure, give the guy with the blog a card.” But now, since you’re calling me out, no card for you!
Oh, “Mr Hollywood” is throwing out more pop culture references. Easily Family Guy.
(Silence)
I’m sorry, that was out of line. Please, how can I make it up?
Say Mark Rosewater is the best ever.
At what?
Just say it.
(Sigh) Fine. Mark Rosewater is the best ever.
Alright, get a pen and paper, here’s your preview card. It’s a land…
Ok… (Taking notes)
…that taps for 1 Green mana….
Good, that’s important…
…and, it’s basic…
What a minute…
And it’s called “Forest.” *Click*
Wait! Hello? Damn you MaRo…
MTG Color Pie 