Anyway, here’s the trailer for the video:

The deck was a lot of fun to play. If you played during Invasion (I dabbled it in a little bit), you’ll remember the cards. I’ve already said my position on it for EDH ramifications but if you don’t play EDH, I still think it’s a buy.

There’s a joke in there that was filmed BEFORE the Reserved List changes were announced. I would like to remind people that what you see in there is just a joke (the card in question isn’t on the Reserved List, but it’s out of place. Your experience with the Duel Decks may vary). Making the video was fun. We had tons of laughs at each other mistakes. I may put out a “blooper” video if people request it.

Anyway, the product is out today, I would suggest you buy it. This isn’t some corporate shill talking, it actually was fun. If you already have the cards and don’t think the new frames are worth it, that’s fine too; I didn’t buy the Garruk vs Liliana Duel Deck. Even though Wizards sent us out a copy to review, we’re both going to buy it; we’re joking of sending this one back to them in the package saying “Thanks!”

GatheringMagic has his take on it (I’ve been editing the video, so if I keep this brief, I hope you’ll understand), and I suggest you read it. I don’t know what he’s published yet and I’m sure it will be all about beating me in and everything. Whatever, don’t listen to what he says.

Anyway, enjoy the video.

So deep undergound, you can't find it anywhere

So that happened…

Listen, no matter how you feel about the Reserved List, it’s clear what the position that Wizards has taken is to reprint a few cards, then lock up the Reserved List forever. That’s fine, it’s a business decision as there have been several WotC employees who have come out against the Reserved List. I’m not here to get into what it happened, or what it’s been doing to the game (for those of you following me on Twitter, that’s been my secret project for a while, a huge, huge Reserved List article that goes over the whole situation and possible solution. It will appear soon).

What we have to do is move on. Of course, there’s the issue that most people are worried about: Eternal formats. While it does close off such re-printings of certain cards, there was almost no chance of WotC reprinting the Power 9, or any of those high cost cards. The worry comes from a format not getting an new players, so the growth gets stunted and therefore, eventually “dies off.” I know what it’s like when no one around you doesn’t play the same format as you. And since that has happened to Vintage, people (like me), are worried the same thing might happen to Legacy, right as it’s starting to grow and get more and more popular.

I believe that niche cards can be expensive because they fit in niche decks. The Tabernacle at Pendrell Vale only sees play in one deck, 43 land. While it’s disgusting to see a land see prices of $300+, the deck only runs one and it’s only one deck. Lion’s Eye Diamond is approaching $50, needs a playset, and is seen in one or two decks. Force of Will is practically $50 as well, but sees play in a variety of decks, and was uncommon. But I believe that it’s all okay for all of that to happen (maybe not Force, but that’s another article) for Legacy to survive if not for one thing.

Dual Lands.

They’re on the Reserved List too.

Dual Lands are the backbone to most of the Legacy decks; if it wasn’t for them, the game would be much much different. They are the best lands ever printed and in order for a healthy metagame format to survive, there has to be an opportunity to build a good mana base. What if Shards didn’t have tri-colored lands, or if Shadowmoor didn’t have the hybrid lands? It would suck to try and build a stable mana base, right? Well, if you’re trying to build competitively for Legacy or Vintage, you want the best available and the original Dual Lands way outclass the Ravnica ones.

Whoa, hold on here. Since when did this blog become all about competitive playing and such? I’m fine playing with my Ravnica Duals and my Painlands etc. Why should I care?

This blog has not changed it’s tone and is not moving towards competitive play (you’ll see no decklist on this post). You should care because A) it’s about the health of a format and B) if you ever wanted to try it for yourself, there will be a much higher barrier to entry for you to play. It also effects other formats, such as Cube, EDH and anything else people might want to invent in the future. The availability and price of Duals will greatly limit the different decks you can build. I understand people wanting to have every card for every Standard deck, or maybe even Extended. But, unless you’ve been collecting for a while, it’s unlikely to believe that you can build every Legacy deck and have copies for it without switching between decks. To the people who are currently doing that, this is part of the problem of availability and why prices are so high to begin with (again, another time).

Getting back on topic, a majority of the creatures seeing play in Legacy have been printed in the past 8 years but spells and artifacts and lands come from throughout all of Magic (Gee, I wonder why). The backbones of the decks for mana availability consist of this: Fetchlands, Dual Lands, mixing the old (Duals) and the newer (Fetches). Because those are the best lands in all of Magic, people will want to play with those, causing demand and price to skyrocket.

By why do people want them in their decks? Fetchlands allow you to go get any land of the corresponding land type and put it into play. Example: Misty Rainforest allows you to go get any land with the type Forest and put it on the battlefield. It can go get a Basic Forest, Dryad Arbor, Murmuring Bosk, Sapseep Forest, Snow-Covered Forest, or any of the Forest Dual Lands from Ravnica or the original ones. Because it allows you to go in other other colors besides just Green if you fetch the Duals, the Fetchlands see heavy play in multi-color decks. The other reason that Duals see heavy play is that some cards (such as Zoo decks and Daze) actually rely on the basic land type as well.

And why do people play the original Duals instead of going with the Ravnica ones: because the drawback of coming onto the battlefield tapped or losing 2 more life is a big enough drawback not to see serious play in a format where something is better (that’s like saying that you would rather play Cancel than Counterspell, one is just superior to another, if you have it). Paying three life to keep a mana open for Swords to Plowshares multiple turns can bring your life total down fast.

So, what can Wizards do (you know, besides breaking their promise and reprinting the original duals)?

Why, they design new ones, of course.

Mark Rosewater says “Restriction breads creativity.” And, since we know that they have at least met once before about future land cycles (MaRo talks about it at the River of Tears section), they could’ve talked about this very thing. And if they haven’t, I would like some help. I hereby allow Wizards of the Coast to use any and all of the following ideas in future printing. I won’t sue, get mad, throw a hissy fit, or anything of the sort; I would be honored. Think of it as way of giving back to the game I love.

In order for these “New Duals” to see play in Vintage/Legacy, and have the possibility of playing along side them or, in the best cases, replacing them for being optimal in certain decks, there has to be a couple of rules:

1. The land type has to have a basic land type. Therefore, it’s able to get Fetched out and be used by cards that care about land types.
2. They have to be worse (or slightly less) than the original duals but better than the Ravnica ones.
3. The cards cannot be exactly like the Original Duals. Due to the rules of the Reserved List, Wizards cannot reprint cards as a functional reprint (Essence Scatter is a functional reprint of Remove Soul). Snow-covered Duals are a little shaky on this point, so we’ll leave them out of it for now (if not, Wizards, print Snow-Covered Duals).
4. Keep in mind that Ravnica will rotate out of Extended in 2012. If you’re printing new Dual Lands, that block might be a good choice to have some new ones. And, it seems like a good time to start designing that set.
5. It needs to be elegant (don’t worry, it’s not the elegant article). The lands need to be smart, intuitive, and simple.

So, while it might be nice to see this card:

it’s not going to happen. While I only talk about one or fewer of the colors, it will apply to all of the color combinations as well.

WORSE –

Invasion Real Duals – Inspired by Invasion Duals.

Let me just get this one out of the way. If you propose a mixture of the Invasion tap lands and Duals, you’re wrong. Entering the battlefield tapped is a huge drawback in a format such as Legacy and wouldn’t even get a second glance. Otherwise people would play with the Ravnica ones now since you don’t have to pay to 2 life. In an alternate universe where we didn’t have the original Duals, this might be an option, but it won’t fly here.

Possible Ideas Inspired by Other Lands –

Urborg Lands - Inspired by Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth.

I’m actually liking this cycle the more and more I see it. First, there has to be only five of them (one for each basic land type), and while it does invalidate 1 card (since the Tomb can’t be Fetched), it makes for some interesting choices. While it can make Fetchlands better (by allowing you to tap for mana), it does have built in destruction by the Legend Rule with the opposing player able to fetch one as well. It might even make High Tide interesting again. This can either be a one-of or a four-of making deck construction very very interesting.

Maze Lands - Inspired by Nimbus Maze.

In this case, again, you only can Fetch one color at a time. But, unlike Murmuring Bosk, it can actually increase Basic Land types if you have others in play. If you happen to have a Plateau as well, suddenly, you have a tri-colored Duel. While an aggressive Zoo might not play this card (if they do, it’d be like a one-of), the control player might enjoy it. The other alternative to this is the opposite: It is a Mountain if you have a Plains in play, and vice versa.

Dual Pain Lands – Inspired by Pain Lands.

Also inspired by City of Brass. Now, this one is a little more obvious, but could conceivability see play, but not the best option. By having the land enter the battlefield untapped, you can space out the pain instead of taking three a turn (Fetch plus 2 for it entering the battlefield untapped). It’s a solid option, and would be great for budget players. People have been playing with Pain Lands for years so this wouldn’t be a new experience.

Grove Lands – Inspired by Grove of the Burnwillows.

The polar opposite of the Dual Pains. Again, aggressive decks might not play these, but those putting out 10/10 protection from everything creatures might not mind if a opponent might gain a couple of life. Some people might not even see it to be all that bad of a drawback and would be happy to see these see print. There are a couple of cards that might see more play, or even open up some more design space.

Gemstone Lands – Inspired by Gemstone Mine

Allowing a limited use of these lands might be interesting. It would most likely have to be more than the current three seen on Gemstone Mine to make it more usable and see more play. Having cards like Crucible of Worlds or bouncing lands to your hand would be a good bonus to include with these decks. Players are not shy about playing with counters on cards as they were years ago; it’s common practice in all formats.

Reveal Lands – Inspired by Lorwyn Tribal lands

Now, this is a little different than the current Ravnica Duals. The draw back this time is revealing a card from your hand instead of losing two life. Losing three life (again Fetch + Ravnica Dual) on the first turn to Brainstom can be a pretty heavy price, but only losing one, while revealing the Brainstorm you were going to play, you really lose no information. While information is sacred, if someone wants to be playing with this type of card has to know the implications.

Other Ideas -

Besides just revealing a card of the corresponding colors, there are tons of ways that the Dual lands can have a drawback when entering entering the Battlefield:

• Opponents gains X life
• You lose X life
• Opponents draws X cards
• You discard X cards
• Each opponent gets a X/X creature under their control
• Mill X cards from your library
• Opponent gets to scry X
• Opponent gets to fateseal X

Or there can be upkeep events:

At the beginning of your upkeep:

• Opponents gain 1 life
• You lose 1 life
• Each of your opponents draws a card.
• You discard a card.
• Each opponent gets a X/X creature under their control
• Mill a card from your library
• Opponent gets to scry 1
• Opponent gets to fateseal 1
• Remove a card from your graveyard or bury ~this~ (though this might be a little harsh with all the graveyard removal around these days).

Alright, I admit, that was a little repetitive, but to show that there other ways of handling this situation besides just enter the battlefield effects. Most likely, you’d want a ability that can span though all 10 Duals, not just a different combination for each color (not simple, not intuitive).

Other Drawbacks include:

• Play with the top card of your library revealed.
• Play with your hand revealed.

Looking at all these options, it’s easy to see so many different options to include on lands to make them still make them playable. If you do at least one of these options, it’s still not a functional reprint, which is one of the issues with the Reserved List. Each one of these cards are “worse” than the Original Duals, but, with playtesting these cards can compete and be used for newer players wanting to enter that arena.

Of course, these cards can never replace the original duels, which will still be the gold standard when it comes to these types of lands. If (and there is no promise) that Wizards ever changes the Revised List, the Dual Lands would be the best cards to take off the list and reprint (and it doesn’t have to be in Standard, but in any type of packaging that they want to do).

My recommendation would be to do something soon, in the next few years. Otherwise, Eternal formats may die away.

Editor’s Note: If you are going to comment (like I know that the majority of readers aren’t going to do), please do not talk about the Reserved List. No matter your opinion, this is not the area for it. If you play older formats (or even causal ones like EDH), I would love to have your opinion on the proposed cards. Sadly, I would ask you to refrain from suggesting your own cards. While I can vouch for myself allowing Wizards to borrow my ideas, I don’t think a blog comment can have that same effect.

This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!

Let me tell you something that might shock you: I’ve never been in a large tournament Top 8 before. As you know from previous posts, I don’t get to do all the much “serious” playing and when I do, I don’t play such decks that are commonly referred to as “The Best Deck in the Format;” it’s more of a fun roguish build.

Anyway, when I watch players in the Top 8, I always imagine them having a good time having fun and enjoying the moment. But before the matches, I think they would trash talk to each other. “You think your Blue-White control deck can really handle my Jund deck? Ha!” You know, things like that. I just take it one step further.

This is semi-dedicated to/inspired by Kurt Porter, the 8 year-old who made Day 2 of Grand Prix: Kuala Lumpur. He’s not old enough to see this movie, and is as old as the oldest cards in Extended. I don’t want to see Chris Hanson or have people up in arms over this, it’s all a spoof. NSFW language follows.

The Top 8 Lebowski

It’s the last round of a large local Magic tournament. The event has been pretty tense as the night continues on. Three friends, CHRIS, GREG, and NELSON are sitting at a side table playing EDH while the last table is still competing. Chris knows he’s going to be in the Top 8 and is trying to ease his mind while playing some EDH with his friends. Also on his mind is the fact that he’s helping his friend who had his card shop burgled and the cards are being held for ransom by the unknown party.

INT. GAMING CENTER – NIGHT

People are gathered around the last two people competing for the coveted Top 8 spot. JESUS QUINTANA and HENRY are battling it out. The music emitting from JESUS’ headphones is Hotel California by The Gypsy Kings. As JESUS gets ready for his next turn, he shuffles his hand around, licks one of his cards lovingly, stares intensely at his opponent, then untaps and draws. The camera pans in towards his card hand and off the right is the name “JESUS” stitched on his shirt pocket above a Magic blog’s name. With a smooth motion, he drops a Bloodbraid Elf on the table, and Cascades into Maelstrom Pulse, killing his opponent’s only creature.

This insures his victory.

As the beat of the music changes, JESUS rises up from the table and starts to dance. He points to his friend LIAM as he points back. JESUS starts to strut to the judge’s table with his slip in hand as he looks towards CHRIS, GREG, and NELSON who are half playing EDH and half watching him. NELSON watches JESUS’ every move as JESUS blows him a kiss. After he gives the slip to the judge, JESUS sticks his arm up in the air and points to the sky.

CHRIS
Fuckin’ Quintana, that creep can play, man…

NELSON
Yeah, but he’s a fucking pervert, dude.

CHRIS
(Just playing along)
Yeah…

NELSON
No, he’s a Yu-Gi-Oh! player with a record. Spent six months down at Frank’s Cards playing with eight-year-olds.

CHIRS
(Surprised)
Huh!

INT. FRANK’S CARDS – AFTERNOON

Flashback to a quiet card shop where the only guy above 12 is JESUS, who’s playing Yu-Gi-Oh! with the other kids.

NELSON
(V.O.)
When he started playing Magic, he had a hard time adjusting to new terms ’cause he would tell everyone he’s Chaining spells.

A father comes into the card shop and sees his son playing with JESUS. The father rushes over there and grabs JESUS by the collar and starts yelling at him, which is silent to us. JESUS swallows hard.

GREG
(V.O.)
What’s a Chaining Spell, Nelson?

NELSON
(V.O.)
Shut the fuck up, Greg.

INT. GAMING CENTER – NIGHT

Nelson leans a little closer to Chris.

NELSON
So, what did he offer you?

CHRIS
A complete set of Revised duals, man. And of course, I still get to keep my playset of Tarmogoyfs.

NELSON
Just for getting the the stuff back?

CHRIS
Yeah.

CHRIS pulls out a little black box from his card bag and shows it to NELSON.

CHRIS
(Cont’d)
They gave, uh, me a beeper.

NELSON
Who the hell uses beepers anymore?

CHRIS ignores him.

CHRIS
So, whenever there’s some more info…

NELSON
(Interrupts)
What if it’s during a game?

CHRIS
Oh, I told them that if it was during a league game…

GREG, who was looking at his hand trying to decide what to do, is half paying attention to the conversation and decides to interrupt.

GREG
What’s during league play?

NELSON
(To Greg)
Life does not start and stop and your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.

CHIRS
I, I figure, uh…

GREG
(To Chris)
What’s wrong with Nelson, dude?

CHRIS
(Ignoring Greg)
I figure it’s easy money. It’s all pretty harmless. I mean, his wife most likely stole the stuff herself.

NELSON
Huh?

CHRIS
Oh, uh…

GREG is still two steps behind in the conversation.

GREG
What do you mean, dude?

CHRIS
Goyf-rippers did not do this. Look at it. Good thriving shop, wife gets jealous. She figures that he isn’t giving her enough attention, you know. She’s spending all night at home alone.

NELSON
That, fucking, bitch!

CHRIS
Oh, yeah. It’s all a Goddamn trick. It’s like Lenin said: Look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, you know, uh..

GREG
All you need is love?

CHRIS
…uh, uh, you know. You know what I’m trying to say.

GREG
I want to hold your hand.

NELSON
That fucking bitch!

CHRIS
Oh, yeah!

GREG
Everyone’s got something to hide except for me and my monkey.

NELSON
That’s ex…

NELSON realizes what GREG is doing.

NELSON
(Cont’d) (To Greg)
Shut the fuck up, Greg! V.I. Lenin! Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!

GREG
(To Chris)
What the fuck is he talking about?

NELSON
(Lost in thought)
Fuckin’ exactly what happened to those… That makes me fuckin’ sick.

CHIRS
Well, why do you care, Nelson?

NELSON
Women, those sick fucks. This whole fuckin’ thing… I do not pay my taxes, my hard earned money so that this fuckin’ strumpet, this fuckin’ whore could waltz around…

CHRIS
(Cutting him off)
Nelson, I don’t see any connection with tax reform, man!

NELSON
Well, there isn’t a literal connection, dude.

CHRIS
No, face it, there isn’t any connection.

Noticing that GREG is done with his turn, he motions to Nelson.

CHRIS
(Cont’d) (To Nelson)
Your turn.

NELSON
Have it your way. But my point…

CHRIS
(Interrupts)
Your turn.

NELSON
My point is…

JESUS
You ready to be fucked, man?

The three guys turn their attention to JESUS and LIAM, both who are strutting their way over to the table. JESUS has his backpack in his hand as he stares down to them with a shit-eating grin.

JESUS
(Cont’d)
I see you drew your way into the Top 8. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we’re gonna fuck you up.

CHRIS
Yeah? Well, you know, that’s just like, uh, your opinion, man.

JESUS and LIAM start walking to the tables to start discussing about strategy.

JESUS
Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you raise your hand and call a judge, I’ll take your library away and stick it up your ass and shuffle the fuckin’ deck until I find my target.

The three can’t believe what they just heard. NELSON stares at them, trying to put on his best game face.

CHRIS
(beat)
Jesus.

JESUS points at CHRIS.

JESUS
You said it, man: Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

And they stroll away.

Slowly, NELSON turns his gaze back to CHRIS.

NELSON
Eight-year-olds, dude.

What would you caption this image?

This is what happens when you don’t follow me on Twitter (@mtgcolorpie), you miss out fantastic contests and games. Sure, there have been better contests on twitter such as ManaNation’s win Revised and Legend’s packs and GGSLive’s contest which has been going on for about 20 weeks (is that thing finally over?). But with this game, it’s all in good fun and coming up with something creative (Aww, isn’t it cute, the little Magic blog is trying to compete with the big boys).

I’ve taken an image which seems to be a “confirmed” (by non-WotC sources, but said they got it from Wizards) for the new set Rise of the Eldrazi. All I asked you to do was to tweet me (or use the #TGotD tag for Twitter Game of the Day) a caption of the image and if you win, you get a signed card by me.

See, in MaRo’s twitter contests you don’t win anything.

Me: 1, Rosewater: 0.

What? They’re challenges? Whatever. I’m putting my own cards on the line here.

Normally I wouldn’t do a blog post on this, but I wanted to share with everyone the great answers I received for this contest. If you guys liked this, then I’ll gladly do more. What’s funny about this is that people saw different things in the image; it’s like a Rorschach test. Some people saw a mushroom, others a crab, and others some very strange things. And now, the captions:

Crabs Category:

cikesef: we have finally found it, men! AT LAST, A GIANT ENEMY CRAB!

manashark: “how many cards will that crab mill?”

Mushroom Category:

kellyreid: recipe: Funghi d’Eldrazi – Butter, Salt, Pepper to Taste, Simmer over 2 red mana, add 1 Eldrazi Gargantua-cap. Dice with Axe.

lunacite “Remember, we need at least one more for the salad, and don’t break the stem!”

metaknightmare: Even though we’re fighting a huge Eldrazi mushroom, I’ve got Umezawa’s Fork! DIG IN!

steve032 “Waiter! I ordered this plane with NO MUSHROOMS!”

teccan9nja “I found dinner boys”

the_stybs “I always hated mushrooms.”

Bad-ass Category:

h2o_ohmalley: “There it lies men. The beginning and the end of our story.”

maintankadin: “Their foolishness is astounding. It is my only hope that their deaths will be more useful than their lives.” – Lilliana Vess

mechtroid: “The soldiers and refugees didn’t know what it was.  They didn’t know what lay inside. They didn’t know what had destroyed their homes, or how to stop it. All they could do was hope to survive an uncertain future.”

Humorous Category:

descripting: “Have no fear! Apparently, its just another object on Zendikar for birds to fly around.”

explosive_donut: “Everyone, put your weapons down! I’m sure it’s friendly. It just wants to hug us!” General Bonkura, Last words. PS: Bonkura is Japanese for dumbass.

rtassicker: “He’s not an Eldrazi, he’s a very naughty boy. Now, piss off!”

stupiddeck: Hark! the bringer of mad beats approachs

treborj60: “Now over there are some Kozilek droppings… and we’re walking, we’re walking…”

Movie Parody Category:

1337boii: Tonight, we dine in Zendikar!

rianad90: “I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.”

And now we get to the top 4. All of you get a prize. First up, I did this just for Aaron Forsythe:

baconhax: Soldier Captain: “Maybe we should have Cancel’d that!” #iplaycancel #andifiwinyousendmeasignedcancel

Congratulations, you’re getting a Cancel. Hope you’re happy with it.

Next, was an entry that just appealed to me. Yes, it’s one of my favorite Arrested Development quotes, and don’t think you’re going to get away with that every time. It just works, this time.

justnisdead: “I’ve made a huge mistake”

I would’ve also accepted, “Her?”

And finally the top 2 decided that this card, this thing, reminded them of something else:

Welcome to Earf!

Yes, that’s right. The “thing” reminded these two guys of the alien spaceships from Independence Day.

Twinblaze2: The soldiers are approaching what has been agreed to be the front of these creatures, a parabolic indentation 9 blocks wide.

This is the part where the helicopters fly up to the front of the plane and the news reporter says this quote. Obscure, yes, but oh so worth it. Nothing made me smile more than this today.

Not to be outdone, there is this emotional speech:

thephoenix5: We will not go quietly into the night! Will not vanish without a fight! For today we celebrate Cream of Mushroom Soup Day!

It’s funny that no one mentioned Avatar or Fern Gully.

I would like to thank you all for playing this game. The winners are free to DM me on twitter with where they want me to send them their cards. Oh, and what card will I be sending to the top 3? Mushrooms were the top response in this contest, so you all get a fungus:

Now a Fungus Lizard!

Maybe if you guys decided that it looked like a Baneslayer Angel, that would’ve been the prize. Congratulations to all the winners. What was your favorite caption? Think you can do better?

Oh, yeah, spoiler.

As captured by Gatheringmagic.com so nicely, Dailymtg spoiled this card on March 1st (click the link, it’s worth it), so it’s all fair game to talk about. Now that we have to wait until April 17th to hold this card in the Rise of the Eldrazi pre-release, we might as well talk endlessly about it. And of course, we’ll answer every question that’s going on through your mind.

So, what’s going on here?

What we have here is the first official spoiler card for Rise of the Eldrazi. Gleaming information from this and Eye of Ugin, we can actually get a good idea of the set.

No longer Steamflogger Boss!

Eye of Ugin?

Yeah, it was that Worldwake mythic card that hinted at the possibility of Eldrazi spells. There were two schools of thought going on with that card: 1) the most obvious and popular choice was that it was a plant for the next set and 2) it was a red herring that wasn’t going to go anywhere, much like Steamflogger Boss.

When it was first spoiled, I thought it was a mistake. Here’s the issue: I get that lands on Zendikar are supposed to be special, but it was a little silly. Lands produce mana, not make it cost less, traditionally that ability is seen on artifacts and creatures. If you want to do that on a land, you make it tap to add more mana to your mana pool but with a restriction, much like Temple of the False God. Of course, there would be ways to abuse it by untapping the land, thus creating more and more mana.

I still don’t like it’s design but understand it. If it was a land that untapped, it could be hugely abusive. Make it an artifact instead of a land.

Wait, why was Eye of Ugin in Worldwake instead of Rise of the Eldrazi?

When you draft Rise of the Eldrazi, it’s going to be triple Rise due to the set size (more on this later), not Zendikar, Worldwake, Rise. Because of this, there are going to be more cards opened for the single set thus making it more common and easier to come by in draft. In fact, the only way that the card could be printed where it didn’t annoy everyone by seeing it all the time was in Worldwake as a Mythic, where it’s going to be the fewest copies printed in the entire block. Plus, it’s mythic in flavor, so the rarity fits.

Back to Kozilek, this is an artifact so I can Tinker it up, right?

No, this guy is not an artifact, it’s colorless. Artifacts are colorless, until they’re not. The color of cards are dictated by its casting cost, not by the card frame (though an overwhelming majority of the time, they’re the same (until they’re not)). Nowhere on the type line does it say artifact; this guy is a Legendary Creature – Eldrazi. In fact, you can tell it’s special that it’s colorless because the art goes through the frame! Not even Planeswalkers can do that.

Can Terror kill it?

Yes! It has no color, and it’s not an artifact so it can be killed by Terror.

So Eye of Ugin works with this guy?

Yes, that’s the whole point. He’s a colorless creature card, along with a majority of artifact creatures as well so he can be tutored up. As for the reducing ability of Eye, that’s why the card may shoot up in value. As long as a spell is colorless and an Eldrazi, it costs 2 less. If an Eldrazi spell is colored, say Chameleon Colossus (because as a changeling it’s all creature types), then the mana cost doesn’t get reduced by 2. Eldrazi Monument does not work because it’s not a Eldrazi spell, just Eldrazi in name.

Does this mean that there could be Eldrazi Tribal spells?

Yes! Because of the way Eye of Ugin is worded, it does not say creature spells, only spells. There could be Tribal Instants – Eldrazi that would reduce it by 2. Of course, they would have to be colorless, not any other color. But, since Lorywn, the templating has been a little different when it comes to creature types, so we may not get any at all. Personally, I think so.

Does he work as an EDH General?

Yes! He’s a legendary creature so he works. There is a new colorless General besides Karn now, and follows everything like Karn does, no colored mana symbols anywhere on the card.

Oh, Cascade from 10? I think I can handle that

What does the collector’s number tells us about anything? Is this going to be the opposite of Alara Reborn and a completely colorless set?

The collector’s number is 6/248. It seems like colorless cards are in front of colored cards. As of now, the order of cards  for the collector numbers go like this:

• Colorless
• White
• Black
• Blue
• Red
• Green
• Multi-colored
• Hybrid
• Artifacts
• Land
• Basic Lands

Kozilek is 6 out of 248, which means (if I know my English Alphabet) that there are 5 colorless that go before this one in the set. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, Ka-Kj are all possible names for colorless cards. Ghostfire, even though the card said colorless, still had a red mana symbol in its mana cost as was numbered with the other Red cards in Future Sight. Could ordering have changed since then and if it’s reprinted go in front of Kozilek? That’s a possibility, but would greatly shrink the amount of “colorless” cards. Note: the ordering of gold cards changed with Alara Reborn; if it’s for good, I never got an answer from WotC so it’s up in the air. I think so.

We know that the set isn’t going to be completely colorless. ManaNation.com spoiled the new basic land art playmats. While you could have a set where everything was colorless, the set to do it in would be in a small set, not large one (much like Alara Reborn was done). The 248 is a large set number (minus 1) and had been known for quite a while (I was going to do a column titled “My Set is Too Big (I am a Banana)” to talk about why it was okay to break block structure). Of the 248, 20 of those are basic lands leaving 228 for cards. While it would be okay to have basic lands in a colorless set, it would seem a little counter productive.

How many of these Eldrazi are there going to be?

More than one. Because this is a big set, there are different numbers in rarity than a small set. Large and small sets go by this guideline:

The large set has 5 more mythics and 18 more rares, giving you more room to create new cards (like introduce the new super being cards). Even though the set is one card short of a large set, we don’t know what it’s going to be taken out of though if I had to take a guess, anything but mythics and basic lands. The Eldrazi are supposed to be so powerful, the thought is they’re going to be either Rares or Mythics (just a guess).

Not every mythic or rare is going to be an Eldrazi, but it does give them more cards to play around with this idea. Wizards would be hesitant to devote such a large concept to such small space. Usually when something like this comes around, it’s done in a cycle, one for each color. Since these are colorless (as far as we know, there could be “colored” Eldrazi as well), there may be more than 5. The extra cards in the larger set gives them a chance to explore this concept.

Will Rise of the Eldrazi give me free cable?

Only if you give me the spoiler list before April, then I’ll come over to your place and hook up free cable (This is a joke).

If I missed anything that you guys would like to hear about Rise of the Eldrazi, ask a question in the comments.

]]> http://mtgcolorpie.com/2010/03/01/everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-rise-of-the-eldrazi-but-was-afraid-to-ask/feed/ 8 MtGColorPie Kozilek, Butcher of Truth Eye of Ugin Maelstrom Nexus http://mtgcolorpie.com/2010/02/12/you-cant-always-get-what-you-want-the-lack-of-a-decktype/ http://mtgcolorpie.com/2010/02/12/you-cant-always-get-what-you-want-the-lack-of-a-decktype/#comments Fri, 12 Feb 2010 22:47:46 +0000 MtGColorPie http://mtgcolorpie.com/?p=2348 ]]>

Oh no, my Angels!

Rosterbation is a term that I learned from the great Seattle Mariner’s blog USSMariner (couldn’t find it’s true origin). When talking about dream lineups and rotations and trading players the term gets thrown around a lot in comments and forums (as well as the verb “Stop Rosterbating”). The ability to make the dream roster using whatever players there are in the game is something that passes through the mind of almost any sports fan and engages in great conversations. It’s not a bad thing, and in fact can be a healthy from time to time.

Magic has it’s own semi-related term: “Magical Christmasland” as coined by Brian David-Marshall (@Top8Games) (or Michael Jacob). It presents what the best situation is to get the most explosive opening hand draw. If your deck worked exactly like this every time it would be unstoppable. Of course, with Magic there is randomization and the very real possibility that you may never get a hand like that. When players are looking at new cards for the first time, it’s always the Magical Christmasland situation that gets people up in arms about how good a card actually is. It’s the hope that drives people to play those decks for the one time it does work.

Rosterbation is about what you would love to have but can’t get for a set of something while Magical Christmasland is the order that you would prefer it to be. There is cross-over in both areas: In baseball you want your lead-off guys to get on and your 3 & 4 hitters to drive them home (Magical Christmasland).

Today I’m going to talk about the other side: rosterbation for Magic. No, it’s not about acquiring cards that you need to build a deck, but having access to the cards needed to build it. Confused? Well answer me this: can you build a reanimator deck in Standard at this current time: (SHA, CON, REB, M10, ZEN, WWK)?

In Magic, there are very constant deck archtypes. The common ones are Aggro (White Weenie, Sligh, Green Stompy), Control (Blue/White, Mono Blue/Black/White) and Combo (Whatever shows up here, but reanimator is always a popular one). There are certainly different strategies that people use in the main archtypes, and if you’re playing causal (which is open to the whole existence of Magic) that’s not a problem.

But you know players that will play their favorite decktype in Standard (or Extended) even when it’s not viable. Some people love to play Elves (Aggro/Combo), others Blue/White (Control), and others mono-Red burn (Aggro/Control). But as sets enter and rotate out of the format, sometimes it’s just not wise to attempt to play that type of deck that doesn’t have the cards. In Lorywn block, it was much easier to play an aggro/control tribal deck then it was to play a straight control/combo one. It’s not always wise to try and build a deck you can’t really build.

On the other side of when people see a card released for the first time is “Wow, that would go great in X”, hence going with the Rosterbation way of thinking rather then the Magical Christmasland way. Take a look at Iona (pictured above). With her ability to shut down decks, the best way to make sure she’s really effective is to get her out as soon as possible. What’s the easiest way to do that?

Hey Kids, remember me?

Reanimator.

The trouble is no matter how you want to try and force it, it’s not going to happen in the current Standard (Like fetch). To make reanimator work, you need a way to get it in the graveyard (usually discard or a way to get it from your library to your graveyard), and a way to bring it out. In the current card pool of Standard here’s how many cards you could consider for a possible deck list:

• Corpse Connoisseur
• Emeria, the Sky Ruin
• Hedron Crab
• Liliana Vess
• Marshal’s Anthem
• Protomatter Powder
• Rise from the Grave
• Sedris, the Traitor King
• Sharuum the Hegemon

The earliest you could reanimate something with no acceleration is by turn 5 (Protomatter Powder/Rise from the Grave), and that’s if you’ve got something in the Graveyard to reanimate (a little Magical Christmasland effect needs to take place here). Emeria can’t be considered reanimation by traditional style since it mostly needs to be m0no-White and by turn 8 at the earliest (again with no acceleration); it’s more of an attrition card anyway. Sedris needs to stay on the field one turn if you cast him without able to Unearth that same turn, still making him slow.

We’re sitting here with a large number of fattie creatures (Thanks Ken!) that we can’t reanimate:

• Kalonian Behemoth
• Terastodon
• Godsire
• Goliath Sphinx
• Hellkite Overlord
• Lorthos, the Tidemaker
• Inkwell Leviathan (Artifact)
• Iona, Shield of Emeria
• Karrthus, Tyrant of Jund
• Novablast Wurm
• Prince of Thralls
• Admonition Angel
• Sphinx of the Steel Wind (Artifact)
• Thraximundar
• Bogardan Hellkite
• Butcher of Malakir
• Empyrial Archangel
• Magister Sphinx (Artifact)
• Sharuum the Hegemon (Artifact)
• Broodmate Dragon
• Platinum Angel (Artifact)
• Realm Razer

But most of these creatures that would’ve been printed in earlier times would’ve been automatic targets for reanimation since they’re game-changers if they hit the board early (even Goliath Sphinx, it’s a 8/7 flyer). Yes, the Unearth mechanic is great for getting a couple of creatures back from the graveyard, and the one-time deal is fine. But for the other cards, what we’ve got is one piece of the puzzle while missing another important piece: the way to get it out of the Graveyard. We’ve got a simple problem of Rosterbation: we’d love to get something that we can’t have to make our decks complete.

Decktypes shift all the time depending on the availability of the cards. Sometimes Wizards prints cards that benefit Aggro decks, other times it’s more Control. The pendulum swings back and forth to change Standard then just trying to have one decklist beat everything all the time (See: Affinity, Faeries, Jund). But this time, you actually can’t build a good reanimation deck in Standard because the important piece isn’t there.

And Wizards is behind this.

Why would they behind this lack of good reanimation? Sure, Dredge in Extended, Legacy and Vintage is so good (Where Iona is seeing play as a reanimation target) that maybe a little slow down in the decktype is alright. Is it because people don’t want to lose to a turn 4 Dragon? Well, there’s plenty of removal spells in Standard including bounce, burn and exiling. What “would be” reanimator decks have been turning into Polymorph and Summoning Trap (which, ironically, is suffering from a large lack of good Blue counterspells (or, not ironic)).

In previous sets, there were great reanimation cards that made it a viable strategy:

• Doomed Necromancer
• Dread Return
• Hell’s Caretaker
• Living End
• Makeshift Mannequin
• Order of Whiteclay
• Profane Command
• Resurrection
• Reveillark
• Reya Dawnbringer
• Scarecrone
• Torrent of Souls
• Zombify

While not all of these were the best options, there were ones that saw serious tournament play (and still do in older formats). It did give you the option of making a deck the way you wanted to to have fun with reanimation. Look at the difference between the number and quality of the spells/creatures to what we have currently. Notice a difference?

It’s this type of thing that I look at Wizards and shake my fist at them. They know when something rotates out of Standard so they plant things here and there. Look at Dark Depths and Vampire Hexmage (4 years), Unnatural Selection and the Onslaught Block (2 years), Worm Harvest and Zendikar Block (2 years) (though, Worm Harvest does work with itself, but still). There used to be great reanimation spells but with very few targets, and now it’s the opposite.

This really begs the question: is reanimation not good because the targets are?  Iona might be the more popular one since it could shut down the most popular decks with ease at a time when Wizards is shifting from multi-color to mono-colored decks (again, with the pendulum).There’s enough anti-graveyard cards that would make this not a feared decktype. Or, is this lull something that Wizards knows it would warp the game if it were included in this format? Something in the future possibly?

There’s always cards to support any type of decktype you want to do; Aggro always has cards, control always has cards, and there’s always some weird wacky combo deck that appears. Even if it’s not the best decktype to play, there’s always been cards to support it (so that guy who always plays Blue/White control at FNM can always play that deck). There have always been reanimator cards, but something is missing here; for the first time in a while, I haven’t been able to build a fun reanimator deck for Standard. Here’s the thing with reanmation, you do need a little hope with Magical Cristmasland to pull it off, but that’s why you play the deck, right?

Wizards knows what’s coming up in their sets so they know when to overdue something or pull it back. Maybe there is something in the future that says “Whoa, better not let people play me from the Graveyard too easily.” Or maybe I’m just taking a look at what one card (Iona) would do to this environment. ‘Course, it might be silly that one card would dictate an entire dismantling of a long standing decktype. Tyler Durden did kinda say, “Self improvement is rosterbation. Now self destruction…”

He tailed off, though I’m assuming that Magical Christmasland would’ve been a great fit (Self destruction is Magical Christmasland). I guess I’m done with my self improvement for today.

So, here’s how it’s going to work: On some Sundays, I’m going to show you the sponsor of the week. Make sure you go and buy their stuff. Here to kick it off is our first sponsor:

Next week, if you’re lucky, you might get the debut of something awesome. Still working out the details.

(Click here if you don’t get the joke, it goes to a NSFW (Language) -YouTube Clip)

Sure, only 2 packs, but awesome

(Editor’s Note: multiple images in this post. Sorry dial-upers)

Oh Mark Curry, where did you go?

This past weekend was the Worldwake prerelease. I had fun, met a few friends and fellow bloggers, as well as got something so awesome done, everyone who saw it cried intently at its beauty (they should’ve sent a poet). Oh, yeah I played some cards as well.

I met up with fellow bloggers GatheringMagic.com. They had decided to come out to the 6:30 am flight to get done early and go in another flight or do whatever crazy people do when they want to do a 6:30 am flight. I got there around 10ish, signed up for my flight, and found Reinhart in the middle of one of his matches. After being a ninja, we decided that we would meet up for an EDH game between rounds.

(Awesome aside) I was called to my flight and I was seated next to Brian David-Marshall (@top8games). I don’t know if you’ve heard about him; I guess he writes for a little website called “dailymtg.com” and has done a couple of other things. Whatever. I introduced myself to him earlier when I spotted him earlier registering for a flight and boom, sitting right next to him. While we opened packs, he showed me what he opened. He needed some basic land so we traded some (I asked him to sign an island he did, which was really nice of him). We played a couple quick games waiting for our round to be called, and unsurprisingly he beat me both times with his awesomeness. (/aside)

After round 2 (where I was 2-0), I caught up with the GatheringMagic guys again and we started to play a little EDH. There were complaints that they need sunglasses because my cards were all foil. After it was pointed out by someone actually paying attention to the game that Reinhart had an illegal land in play (one that made another color besides his General), we all complained that the game was tainted. We were forced to move our game because another flight that needed the table space and I my next round was about to start. We departed our ways (Leaf and Reinhart left because they got there at 6:30 am, and I had my next round), agreeing that we would defeat each other next time.

My prize winnings for going 2-1-1 was 2 packs. In the second pack (as you can see above) was a Jace. That’s right, the card that’s pre-ordering for $50. Getting a Jace was an awesome experience; I was high-fiving people and some of the other players came and saw their first real life Jace. The look on their face when they saw it was pretty cool. I bragged to GathteringMagic, displaying my winnings. He wanted to trade his 4-0 flight for my Jace (which I think is in some violation of the DCI on so many levels), then when I refused, he called me out. Multiple times.

Well, this post is for you, Reinhart.

Reinhart is obsessed with Jace; it’s actually pretty sad, he’s got a tramp stamp with Jace’s face on it. So, after the GatheringMagic’s guys left, giving me a bad time about having to go finish my flight, it was sweet to open one of these. When I awoke the next morning, I found my Jace missing from my card box. I looked everywhere for it, thinking I might have left it at the pre-release, but then I saw something moving on my table. It was Jace.

He was moving.

Apprently, this new Planeswalker is so powerful, he can do anything.

I took some photos of Jace exploring his new surroundings. Let’s follow him.

Jace is showing his former self who's boss.

Jace is happy that he's being bought for $35 before he's legal in any format (save EDH).

And he thanks Brainstorm for getting that high dollar amount.

He feels pity for those in my Trade Binder; he'll never go there.

'Hey, how you doin'? You like all my abilities?'

When Jace needs a drink, this is what he reaches for.

Wondering when he will get a chance to play with the other high rollers. Though he would like a playset to hang out with as well. I'm working on that.

Jace meets the foriegn exchange card. Konnichiwa, 'Goyf-san.

Jace thinks he looks good as a cover model. He is ruggedly handsome.

After a long day, Jace needs his sleep. Goodnight, Jace.

Here you go Reinhart, you can look at these pictures as much as you want now. Enjoy!

Last week was the last new Lotus Cobra is Evil and here are the two Christmas comics that go in their rightful place. Instead of letting it end last week, I wanted to show it in its entirety with the poetic bookmark ending and its proper place in the order of the comic.

Life has focused Sixten’s attention elsewhere and I wish him all the luck in the world. It was an honor hosting his comic and as long as I have this blog (No end in sight), I will continue to do so (links to all the comics here).

Sixten said this about LciE:

Thanks to everyone who enjoyed Lotus Cobra is Evil during its short, 14-strip run…You made this all worth it.

No, thank you.

So, here’s the final two comics for Lotus Cobra is Evil (As always, and will be done by the amazing talent of HouseofSixten.com)

Next Sunday? I finally sell out and get sponsors. You won’t believe who I got.

INT. – WIZARDS OF THE COAST MEETING ROOM – MORNING

MARK ROSEWATER, KEN NAGLE, ELAINE CHASE are all sitting at a table in a conference room staring at a blue curtain that has been set up for a presentation. The three can hear hushed voices behind the curtain, but can’t understand them.

MARO
Listen, Ken. I’m really liking your new set, Worldwake. All of us are proud for you for what you did, especially for the first time leading a set.

KAN
Well, I’m really proud of it myself.

MARO
And I find it a little endearing that you want to kind of take over everything for this set including preview cards and advertising…

ELAINE
Hey, as head of Magic Brand, he’s made my job a easier.

MARO
But why do you want to go with these guys when we already have?

KEN
Well, I have a friend from California who’s friend said to give these guys a chance. They come from a different background and they have some new ideas and how we can market ourselves differently. Apparently, one of them’s really into Magic.

MARO
Alright, we’ll give them a chance. At least it’s not those two idiots this time.

ELAINE
I never got to meet them.

MARO
Count yourself lucky.

They look at the curtain and see a hand sneak out from behind it. It presses play on the CD player and the room is filled with a horn intro. The three look a little confused.

MARO
(Cont’d)
Wow, I haven’t heard this song in forever. I can’t quite remember it’s name…

After the drum intro, the song goes into its chorus and a man rips open the curtain and jumps out. He’s got cards in each one of his hands, a knife in his mouth and dancing spasticly to the music. The three WotC employees are in horror.

The man spits out the knife to the floor and looks intently at the WotC group, smiling too much. Another man steps out from behind the curtain avoiding the dancing man.

MICHAEL
Hello there Wizards of the Coast. My name is Michael Bluth and this is my brother, GOB. And we’d like to talk to you about your Magic line.

GOB tosses the cards away and saunters over to Elaine and holds out a deck of cards of here.

GOB
Go ahead, pick a card.

She does. 9 of Clubs.

GOB
(Cont’d)
Alright, now put it back.

She does. With one motion he shuffles up the deck then throws the deck of cards against the wall. They all scatter and none of them stick. Bending down, he picks one up and shows it to here. 3 of Hearts.

GOB
(Cont’d)
Is this your card?

Elaine shakes her head no.

GOB
(Cont’d)
Well, I guess you’ll have to take the shirt off my back!

He rips open his shirt to reveal he’s painted a Q of Spades on his chest.

MARO
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me stop you guys here. Go ahead and turn off the music.

MICHAEL reaches over and hits stop. Walking back to the front of the room, GOB is buttoning up his shirt.

MICHAEL
(To GOB)
I thought you said that tricked worked.

GOB
(To Michael)
It does, she just got it wrong.

MICHAEL
Yes, so we want to talk about some advertising ideas for your Magic brand. As you can see, my brother is a magician and does tricks…

GOB
Illusions, Michael! Tricks are what a whore does for money…

Awkward silence.

KEN
Listen, I don’t know how to say this, but we don’t actually make magic products, but Magic cards. You know, like collectible gaming cards.

He slides over a booster pack of Worldwake across the table. GOB starts to laugh and opens it up.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Finally realizing that it was indeed a different type of Magic, GOB’s dream of becoming WotC fulltime spokesman were over before they began.

GOB
I’ve made a huge mistake.

MICHAEL
So, you’re telling me that you don’t specialize in magic products, but this game?

GOB
Well, there goes my cover story for Poof magazine.

The WotC people nod as MICHAEL grabs the cards from his brother.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Michael recognizes the cards as he’s seen his son, George Michael, play this with his friends before. Well, not really friends plural, but he had seen them scattered in his son’s room before.

MICHAEL
Listen, this is all just a huge misunderstanding. If you give me a minute, let me talk to my son who loves your game, and I’m sure some of the same things we were planning for advertising would work just fine.

MICHEAL starts to head for the door apologizing profusely. Suddenly, it slams open and there is another figure standing in the doorway.

TOBIAS
Michael! What a pleasant surprise!

MICHAEL
(really confused)
Tobias?

TOBIAS
Of course it’s me. I’m hear to talk to these wonderful people about maybe leading in their new commercials for their new set they’re releasing.

MICHAEL
But why are you all blue?

TOBAIS
This Magic thing is based of that one movie that new James Cameron made that’s completely destroying box office records.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Tobais was confusing Magic, the game, with Avatar, the 3-D movie. They both have been advertised with flying mountains; those were just a happy coincidence and had nothing to do with each other. Of course, it wasn’t the first time that a James Cameron movie was mistaken for tie-in with another product.

KEN
Actually, people get those confused all the time. We have nothing to do with Avatar. Those are just a happy coincidence.

TOBIAS
You mean I just blue myself for no reason?

TOBIAS slumps down, head held low as he walks out of the conference room.

ELAINE
Listen, I understand with painting your body blue, but the cut-off jeans?

MICHAEL
Yeah, it’s kinda hard to explain. He’s a never-nude.

ELAINE
What’s that?

MICHAEL
Exactly what it sounds like.

ELAINE
Weird.

MARO
Not really, there’s several of us…
(beat)
…them, around. I’ve heard it before.

MICHAEL
I’ll be right back, I’m so sorry.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And Michael left to go find his son he let wander around. In the back of his mind, he knew that it might not be the best idea to let GOB entertain them while he was gone.

GOB hits play on the CD player and starts to dance to the music again, placing another knife in his mouth.

INT. – WIZARDS OF THE COAST PIT – MORNING

GEORGE MICHAEL and MAEBE are walking in The Pit, looking at people’s desks as they stroll by.

GEORGE MICHAEL
Wow, I can’t really believe I’m here. This is like a geek’s dream.

MAEBE
Yeah, well, I’m glad you’re excited. I’m just glad to be away from my parents.

AARON FORSYTHE sees the kids walking around unattended and goes over to confront them.

AARON
Hey, you kids can’t be here.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
George Michael was scared because he didn’t want his DCI number taken away. He looked over to Maebe as she was one who got out of this situations quite easily.

MAEBE
Marry me!

AARON
Aren’t you like 15?

Awkward silence.

MAEBE
Babysit me!

NARRATOR (V.O.)
It was just then that Michael found his son and niece.

MICHAEL
Oh there you are. Come on you two, you don’t need to bother this man doing his job. George Michael, I need to talk to you for a second. MAEBE, your father’s around here somewhere, he should be easy to spot.

There was a yell and a punching sound as everyone looked that direction.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Maebe’s father had now been found. The four walked over there to see another WotC employee with blue knuckles and Tobias screaming in pain grabbing his face.

AARON
What’s the problem, Monty?

MONTY
I was a little sad because I have to reinstall everything on my computer and this guy comes over and tries to cheer me up by trying to do things to me.

TOBIAS
All I did was wanted to know if he wanted to talk about it and give him one of my business cards.

MICHAEL
No, oh.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Oh yes.

MICHAEL
I thought you were ordered by the court to get rid of those cards.

TOBIAS
No, I was ordered not to order new ones. Big difference.

AARON
Listen, I don’t know who you people are, but I want you out of here.

MICHAEL
We’re doing a pitch about advertising for your Magic product.

AARON
Why are all of you advertising people so crazy? Now get out of here before I call security.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
For the first time in his life, Michael wishes he had one of GOB’s “Forget-me-nots.”

INT. – WIZARDS OF THE COAST MEETING ROOM – MORNING

NARRATOR (V.O.)
(Cont’d)
Meanwhile in the conference room, GOB had run out of Magic tricks and decided that he needed some help entertaining  the three employees that had already lost interest.

Everyone else bursts into the room to see GOB standing in the front of the room with FRANKLIN.

GEORGE MICHAEL
Franklin!

FRANKLIN
Hey there my cracker-ass friend.

MICHAEL
GOB, I don’t this is the time for Franklin.

GOB
It’s always time for Franklin.

GOB strolls up to ELAINE; FRANKLIN’s right in front of her face.

FRANKLIN
Hey, how about some brown sugar, baby?

KEN
Hey, that’s my co-worker!

And KEN reaches over and starts to strangle FRANKLIN.

GOB
Hey, that’s my wrist!

A loud whistle echos in the room and every turns to MARO.

MARO
Everyone who’s not a Wizards employee, grab your stuff and get out. Now!

NARRATOR (V.O.)
The Bluth family stopped what they were doing and helped pack up the props they were going to use for their presentation. All, but one.

MICHAEL
GOB, are you going to help?

GOB
(Scoffing)
What, like the guy in the $5000 suit’s going to carry anything out.

GOB reaches into his pocket and places a business card on the table as the Bluth family leaves.

GOB
(Cont’d)
You’ll be hearing from my lawyer, Bob Loblaw.

And they left. A deep audible sigh from ELAINE. MARO turns to KEN.

MARO
And that’s why you don’t hire anyone based off a friend’s friend recommendation.

FADE TO BLACK.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
On the next Magic Celebrity Commercial: After a legal battle with the Wizards of the Coast employees, one of the Bluths end up in the hospital.

INT. HOSPITAL – AFTERNOON

A number of the Bluths are standing around the DOCTOR.

DOCTOR
Well, it looks like it’s beyond repair. There’s nothing I can do.

Everyone gasps.

BUSTER (Off Screen)
(Yelling)
I’m a monster!

MICHAEL
Wait, let him finish.

DOCTOR
It looks like you’re going to have to get him a new hook.

Everyone screams and throws things at the DOCTOR.

FADE TO BLACK.